About halfway through this year, I had one of those moments where you feel like you suddenly have opened your eyes and seen the world. One morning, while laying in bed, stressed out about the long to do list and the day I had to tackle, I realized that NOTHING on my lists had to be done. I was in fact perpetuating the anxiety I felt by putting all of these demands on myself. I was creating the chaos in my own life...and more importantly, I could put a stop to it all.
*cue the trumpets*
I sat down with my calendar that day and my white out tape and started cutting back. Instead of working on my to do list, I decided to make a "to DON'T" list. I cut classes that I was planning to teach. I cut my need to write blog posts THREE times each week. I cut down my chore list each day. I wiped out any unnecessary obligations. When I felt that I had whittled away everything that I possibly could whittle away - I took a breath. Then I made a promise to myself that I would not allow myself to come back to a place where I felt like I was somehow defined by the amount of crap I could do in a day.
What type of compassionate, kind life is THAT?
6 months later, I am still struggling to live within the new set of rules. I tossed around the idea of not gardening this year because by my husbands accounts, it's a crap ton of work and causes me stress. When I made my list of stuff that I want to learn and enjoy this year though, gardening was on the list. I WANT to grow my own food. I just have zero clue how to do that effectively - yet.
I have a PILE of online classes that I started, and haven't finished yet. 18 of them. (I know!) All things that I want to learn more about but what adult in their right mind can handle 18 classes and a life all at one time? So, I checked in to see which ones had deadlines and which ones that I could move to a later time on my schedule and vowed to soak up a single class at a time.
Holidays seem to always be my busiest time. I have so many expectations of the perfect round of holiday cheer that I should be spreading so I add pressure to myself to make sure I do that. Reality, none of it matters one tiny bit. It's now 2 weeks before Halloween and my 6 boxes of decorations are still neatly tucked up into the shelves of my garage. I have a single sparkly orange skeleton hanging on my door. Nothing else. And do you know what? I bet the kids will still show up for candy on the 31st and won't give a single crap that I don't have my patio decked out like a haunted house.
I have also made some decisions regarding social media, however, I think that will be reserved for a post all it's own.
I have found that by letting go, I have miraculously been enjoying my life more. Less does in fact equate to more.
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